


Chowing Forbidden

by nakatas_cat



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: sga_smooch, First Kiss, First Time, In Public, M/M, Monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-02
Updated: 2011-11-02
Packaged: 2017-10-25 15:23:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nakatas_cat/pseuds/nakatas_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a mission the team gets kidnapped and put into cages by kinky trolls.</p><p>
  <i>John so hoped that the sign on their cage read "Beware of the Sheppard and the Dex!" and not "Do not feed the animals!" Or rather "DO feed and grope the animals!"</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chowing Forbidden

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a discussion with [omg-wtf-yeah](http://omg-wtf-yeah.livejournal.com/), written for [sga_smooch](http://sga-smooch.livejournal.com/).  
> Beta thanks to [kay_greatness](http://kay-greatness.livejournal.com/) as always.
> 
> Also [at LJ](http://nakatas-cat.livejournal.com/2442.html#cutid1).

Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard didn't know how they always managed to get stuck in the oddest situations. Maybe there really was something behind all the bad karma blethering. He must have earned himself enough for at least ten lifetimes so far. Adding that of his teammates, they could probably reach the amount of a whole city. Or maybe it was just because Pegasus loved them.

In any case, they were royally screwed this time. He'd seen and been in his fair share of weird situations since coming to Atlantis. But this one had the potential of beating everything. And that really meant something coming from him.

"Krrrbrrt pfk krrrmk!" grunted one of his captors behind him while he stabbed him in the back with a pointy spear. John translated it into 'Move faster!' which he better did because the fellow on his six was nearly twice as big in size and breadth as he. Plus John was disarmed and his hands were bound together and connected with a stick above his head to which his teammates' hands had been tied as well. Usually tying up the captives to a stick was how cannibals led their acquaintances to the dining area. And usually that involved being grilled or cooked and eaten for the guests. John just hoped that movies and books weren't the most reliable source in this matter.

They were guarded by as many as eight of those giants. Four of them were bleeding, he noticed with a bit of satisfaction. Only sparsely, but it was a sign of his team's good defence. After they had been disarmed, which had happened pretty fast, Ronon had fought with his dozens of knives that he hid everywhere on his body, but apparently their sickly greyish and pasty looking skin was elephantine thick. Not much harm done.

But boy, were they ugly. Besides their enormity, Sheppard registered several other aberrations as well. Most of them cultivated heaps of warts on their faces and also on their limbs which ended in feet and hands with only three digits each. Above their dull and watery eyes were no brows, but outstandingly high foreheads that led to spare fluffs of hair which coated the rest of the head. The noses were flat with nostrils that invited the exact observer to use them as a socket.

John refused to have a close look at their mouths as they triggered in him the urge to instantly brush his teeth. For a couple of hours. And gurgle with no less than two litres of mouthwash.

Unfortunately, they were only clad in some kind of a coarse earth-coloured toga that revealed way too much skin for the Colonel's liking. Very unflattering, too.

Considering all things, they reminded Sheppard very much of the troll he had drawn in third grade.

"I appreciate that we always seem to get the best-looking and best-behaved escorts," McKay grumbled in front of him.

"Ah, Rodney, I'm certain they are the most handsome of their species. Maybe this is how they treat all their VIPs," John bantered to lighten up the mood. So far no one had been hurt badly or threatened with death as far as he had gathered. And sustaining their status quo could probably be doable, assuming that the aliens didn't understand their language. And Rodney, most of all.

The scientist snorted. "Right, or maybe this is how they treat their soon-to-be dinner."

Despite his discomfort, Sheppard failed to suppress a grin. He loved their easy back and forth bitching and how they sometimes thought along the same lines. In times like these it made him ease up a bit. Nothing was lost as long as McKay wasn't panicking (which was always a clear sign that they were in knee-deep trouble).

"Nah, I'd rather the special VIP treatment," he retorted. Because, honestly, he didn't want to picture their captors chowing them down.

McKay snorted again but before he could continue with ranting, Teyla interjected from the front of their little almost-Polonaise, "I think we are approaching our destination."

Sheppard, who hadn't paid attention to his surroundings in the last minute due to a tense set of broad shoulders in front of his eyes, looked around observingly. They were being dragged along a trodden path which meandered through a dense forest. The sort of oaks and ash trees seemed to be enormous, at the very least twice as high as the trees on Earth and on most of the planets John had visited so far. The biologists would go nuts studying them.

Inhaling deeply the fresh and unpolluted smelling air which revealed a low technological advance, John noticed that they were headed towards some kind of gate surrounded by a high metal fence. He couldn't see the end of the fence from his point of view, but he reckoned that it must enclose a rather large area. The gate's double-winged heavy looking doors stood ajar and on top of the arch spanning above, there was a sign with strange blocky symbols. They almost reminded him of the hate and swear symbols in comics. He used to skip those. Maybe if he'd paid more attention to them, he'd have better chances of understanding the scribbling on this damn plate now.

"Why can't they talk and write in English? Or at least, in Ancient?" McKay mumbled indignantly. Yeah, so sometimes it was kinda disturbing that their thoughts drifted into the same direction at times. Especially when it happened that often. "Oh, forgot, too little brain capacity for a decent language."

One of their escort trolls separated from the group to have a nice grunt with the guards standing by the entrance. Sheppard listened closely in case there were similarities between their languages and he could find out what they were going to do with them. But unfortunately, their tongue seemed to consist only of a handful of consonants and didn't bear resemblance to anything familiar at all, even if he tried to instinctively reproduce what he had heard with the addition of vowels.

McKay's snapping made him stop immediately. "What? Are you now turning into one of those ogres?"

"No, Rodney," he drawled, "just attempting to figure out what our hosts have in mind for us."

"By grunting?" John could picture the irritated look on the Canadian's face as he had seen it dozens of times by now.

But before he could answer, Teyla interrupted them again, "We're moving."

Then they were hauled through the now further opened door into a less arboreous area. Inside Sheppard could make out several rather small enclosures which were completely fenced like an aviary. Some of them seemed to be occupied, but he couldn't tell what kind of creatures there were inside.

Their hijackers tugged them further until they suddenly stopped in front of a small empty aviary. The troll behind John, who'd been so kind to him earlier, simultaneously pulled at the stick and thrust him in the back, so that he was smashed against Rodney's back. They stumbled forward from the impact whilst the troll held on to the stick so that finally all four of them found themselves stacked on each other on the hard soil of the enclosure, without the stick but still with bound wrists. Behind them, the aviary's door was being locked audibly. The sound of departing grunts and trampling told them that they were alone.

At first, John's arms refused to work properly, since they had remained above his head for not less than half an hour. Now that they were back down and the blood was flowing back into them, they stung like needles. How much he hated it.

After they had finally managed to disentangle their limbs, Rodney continued to grouch, "Peachy. That's exactly where I pictured myself at breakfast this morning."

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Tell me, who was it again that wanted to come here?"

"Yes, Colonel, that would still be me. But only because the entry in the database sounded promising. As far as we know, the Ancients had a scientific outpost stationed on this planet."

Okay, John had to admit that McKay had a point there. "And do we know what exactly they were doing here?"

"I do not know whether you are keeping a secret, Colonel, but as for my part, I am not certain what they studied on this planet. But it most definitely didn't involve gigantic hillbillies," the scientist retorted, fumbling the rope on his wrists.

"Anyone want to get rid of their ties?" All eyes focused on Ronon who stood beside them, grinning broadly, the cut rope dangling in one hand, the knife in the other.

Sheppard pulled himself up and crossed the short distance between Ronon and himself, arms outstretched in front of him. "I don't want to know where this knife came from, do I?"

Ronon huffed in amusement, before he freed John of his bounds and then did the same for Teyla and McKay.

Once free, John watched as Rodney rummaged in his tac vest, mumbling, "I had... somewhere... Where is..." With a triumphant "Ha!" he pulled a small tablet PC out of one of his vest's pockets, slumped on the ground and began to tap away furiously.

A wave of fondness washed over John. The deadheads had obviously underestimated Dr. Rodney McKay, self-declared genius.

"Colonel Sheppard," Teyla called for him. "You need to have a look at this." Her voice sounded startled, which was something that rarely happened.

John walked over to where she stood at the side of the cage from where they could overlook some of the other enclosures best. When he gazed into some of the occupied ones, he understood her reaction.

"Those are humans as well. I have heard of peculiar kidnapping cases on some planets wherein all the victims disappeared whilst going on a walk in the woods. The abductees never returned to their homes," Teyla spoke abysmally, her eyes never leaving the other captives. They looked ratty and haggard as if they'd been here for a very long time, maltreated. Unfortunately, they seemed to be so out of it that talking to them wasn't an option. John shuddered slightly.

"Sheppard," Ronon rapped out warningly. John spun around immediately to see two guards approaching them with a bucket and a sign that had more of those blocky symbols on them. "Let us out or you'll regret it," Ronon rumbled in his best berserk voice, baring his teeth.

The ogres glanced at him shortly with watery eyes, attached the sign to the outside of their cage and, using a hose, emptied the content of the bucket into some kind of feed trough in the corner of the enclosure. Then they went away again.

Rodney chose this moment to look up, inspect the greyish glob in the trough from afar, then utter "Ew, I'm so not going to eat this!" and then bury himself back into his work. John just perked his eyebrows up.

"Okay, people, options," Sheppard demanded, casting a glance over his teammates. "How long until our first check-in is due?"

"Five hours," Teyla replied after checking. Which meant that only one hour had passed since they had stepped through the event horizon.

John pondered, chewing his bottom lip absent-mindedly. "So either we manage to save our sorry asses ourselves or we stick around, twiddle our thumbs and wait for the backup." He dropped his gaze on Rodney. "McKay, that big brain of yours working on a rescue plan?"

"No, I'm playing solitaire," the Canadian returned irritatedly. "Of course, I'm working on a rescue plan! What do you think!? So far I've gone over the database's entry again, which is frustratingly vague, and there's no word about oversized grunts here. At that time, peace-loving hippie people lived here. I'd definitely prefer them."

"Got anything else for us, Rodney? Something more helpful?" John asked with that particular drawl which he knew made McKay furious.

"I'm sorry that I have to disappoint you, Colonel, but I can't conjure a solution out of dust and pollen. My sources are extremely limited. Give me proper equipment and we're out of here in minutes."

"Right. Other suggestions?" The Colonel turned to Teyla and Ronon.

"I've got some spare knives. We break the lock, overwhelm the guards and go home." The grin on Ronon's face was nearly frightening.

John sighed. Not the best plan, but the only one they had at this point. "It's worth a shot. But maybe we should try to get away unnoticed. The last fight with our big friends is still vivid in my memory. I don't want a repeat."

With that, Ronon and Sheppard got started with cracking open the lock, Teyla standing by observantly, Rodney still engrossed in his work. Multiple attempts and broken knives later, they realized grudgingly that it wasn't manageable.

"Damn. That went down like a lead balloon," John concluded, arms akimbo, damp with sweat. When they had arrived, it had been early morning, a bit chilly but nice nevertheless. Now it was getting really hot as the sun was climbing up. The sparse trees provided nowhere near enough shade.

"The metal's too solid," Ronon agreed gloweringly. Amongst them the Satedan was the one who bore being captured and imprisoned in a small cage the worst.

"Colonel, may I share my observations with you," Teyla requested and went on immediately. "I do not believe that this place is a slave market or that our kidnappers are going to kill us. The other prisoners must have been held here for quite some time considering their appearance."

"But what the hell is this place then?" John brooded.

Umpteen hours later, they began to slowly figure it out. By now they were all rather irritable, save Teyla. Rodney's battery had died down on him - "Crap! I should remember to bring spare batteries!" - so that he had turned to consuming one powerbar after the other, Ronon was pacing the too small for pacing enclosure - it was only a matter of time until he began to climb the walls - and John slouched against the bars, hiding his frustration. Teyla sat gracefully on the dusty ground and meditated.

They all started and stood up close to each other when trampling and grunting noises approached. A second later, they witnessed as hordes of ogres rolled in through the open gate and headed their way, stopped and scattered around their prison. Scads of watery eyes stared down on them expectantly.

Astounded, John noticed that quite a lot of the creatures were smaller and had more fluffs of hair than the rest. Plus they wore lightly colored togas in blue, pink and green. Kid trolls, Sheppard realized suddenly. What the heck?

Then some of the miniature monsters were moving closer and throwing bready chunks on them. Some of them were even sticking their three-fingered grubby paws into the cage and reaching for them. Unfortunately, the enclosure didn't provide enough space to dodge them and as if this wasn't enough, some of the guards had reappeared, pointing their spears on them and therefore keeping them from fighting back. In the end, they couldn't help but stand there and endure the patting and groping alien hands.

"Are we thinking the same thing?" McKay asked cautiously, doing great at not freaking out on them. So far.

"Yes, Rodney, I bet we are," John answered calmingly. They had been hijacked pretty often for lots of reasons - politics, revenge, information, blackmailing, food supply - over the last couple of years. But never ever had they been kidnapped to be put into the Pegasian equivalent of a petting zoo. What the fuck was wrong with these people? Well, besides the obvious.

Considering, it should actually be the other way around. Though they'd been to quite a lot of planets, most peoples they'd met had looked pretty much just like them, human. So it wasn't him and his team who were the abnormality here but rather their captors, what with their monstrosity and all. They should really be the ones in the cages. Seriously, such a thing, putting perfectly normal humans on display to be stared at by monsters, could only happen in the Pegasus galaxy.

One of the little brats, though little was relative, was holding a chunk of food out towards them and making distressed noises. As neither of them made a move to take it, the baby ogre got even more aggrieved and started to cry deafeningly.

A spear was being positioned dangerously close to John's throat. "Hht!" the guard to whom the spear belonged, demanded with a vicious look out of pale eyes. It sounded astonishingly close to 'eat', Sheppard registered. Before he could react, the spear pierced his skin lightly and the angry troll repeated his order.

"Okay, okay, I'll eat it. See?" John replied soothingly, grabbing the food and shovelling it in his mouth. Both the guard and the grumpy kid seemed pleased, which showed in the lowering of the spear and the subsiding of the cries. Thank God.

Chewing slowly on the tasteless chunk, John watched as more of the brats stuck food towards them. "We don't want to provoke them," he directed to his teammates after swallowing down. It was enough to make his friends take and eat the stuff as well, albeit reluctantly. Ronon put on his most menacing face.

John so hoped that the sign on their cage read "Beware of the Sheppard and the Dex!" and not "Do not feed the animals!" Or rather "DO feed and grope the animals!"

"Colonel," Rodney spoke hesitantly, "what exactly is your plan again?"

"To stick it out until Lorne and his marines arrive," Sheppard responded. "Which will hopefully be very soon." He got tired of the grabbing and patting in places he didn't want to think about too closely.

Finally, after what felt like hours, the kid monsters withdrew. John just hoped that they'd had enough of the newbies and would now move on to the other people on display.

It figures that he was so very wrong.

Now, he realized one second later as one of the big ogres stepped closer, it was the adults' turn. "Ksss, ksss!" The creature demanded vehemently and soon all the others fell into line, all shouting "Ksss, ksss!" The guards with their primitive but effective weapons came nearer threateningly.

"Teyla, do you have the slightest idea what they want from us?" John asked her, careful not to move too quickly.

"I am not certain, Colonel," Teyla began, furling her eyebrows characteristically, "but if I hear correctly, they want us to kiss."

John stared disbelievingly at her with wide eyes.

Rodney, in contrast, couldn't hold his reaction back and rasped, "What?" Immediately, most of the spears were being directed at him, causing him to look slightly panicked.

"Everything's fine. No one's going to get hurt," Sheppard soothed and held his hands calmingly open in front of his body. He kept on talking although he knew that their captors wouldn't understand him. But it calmed his team. And Rodney, most of all. "Look, we just don't know what you expect of us. Do you want us to kiss?" He overemphasized the last word.

It got him an immediate reaction. Suddenly all their fucked-up spectators started to bounce awkwardly and shout even louder.

"Okay, so kissing then," he mumbled to himself, not really shocked because they'd gone through so much shit so far. This was hardly something new. "Who do you want to do the kissing?" He pointed at Teyla and Ronon, figuring that they'd cut the finest figure in view of their good looks.

But the adult ogre, that had started all this bullshit in the first place, instantly made a disliking sound and then grunted "Krrk tsk krrk," pointing at Sheppard and McKay.

Okay, so this part was new. John shot a cautious glance at the scientist, whose baby blue eyes had grown huge and who was now muttering, "This can't be happening. This can't be happening." Over and over again.

Under the watchful eyes of their audience, John approached him slowly, grabbing him by the shoulders, squeezing. "'s okay, buddy. Just a quick peck."

When Rodney stopped his litany and looked up, he had worry lines around his eyes. Yeah, he wasn't so fond of the idea of kissing Rodney in front of dozens of teratoid creatures either. He'd always anticipated that their first kiss would be in a quieter, more secret environment. When he'd allowed himself to anticipate it. Which was only after disastrous missions. And sometimes when he couldn't stand the feeling of loneliness.

The shallow stabbing of spears in his arms and sides disrupted his thoughts. Obviously, Rodney'd been stabbed, too, because under his hands John could feel him squaring his shoulders. Then the Canadian nodded and leaned forward, brushing his lips softly across John's.

Before John could even start to appreciate it, it was already over, leaving him with a slight tingle. He'd said it himself, just a quick peck.

Apparently, their onlookers didn't find their short touch of lips satisfying because now they were shouting even louder and more fervently "Ksss, ksss!" Sheppard could even make a "Mrrr! Mrrr!" out which had definitely to be interpreted as "More! More!"

When the pressure of the spears kept on increasing in delicate places and he felt Rodney grow more and more stiff beneath his hands on the scientist's shoulders, he took a deep breath and steeled himself for what he was about to do. He looked Rodney straight into his eyes whilst trying to block out the surrounding noises, mumbling a hopefully comforting "Relax. It'll be fine."

Focusing on blue irises, he closed the distance between them again and reconnected their lips, this time for real. As Rodney was seemingly in a state of shock, his usually down slanted taut mouth was slightly open, giving John easy access to his delicate inside. Without conscious thought, his tongue slipped right in, exploring the wet hotness and encouraging his counterpart to play along.

It was almost as if a switch had been flipped because suddenly, John had an armful of McKay who twined around him like a snake. He heard a needy groan escape Rodney's lips and just like that the kiss became mutual and dirty. Strong hands buried themselves in his hair, caressing and tousling it. Their tongues touched and embraced heatedly and it sent shivers down John's spine. He felt his BDUs tighten and shifted a little so that Rodney wouldn't feel it only to sense something hard and hot against his own thigh. Oh dear God, Rodney had an erection too! He moaned deeply and pressed closer against his favorite scientist. He doubted that he'd be able to make himself stop now.

A sudden crackle in his ear followed by Major Lorne's voice startled him. His radio. Right, the grunts hadn't taken them.

Reluctantly, John licked one last time across Rodney's lush bottom lip before pulling back slowly. He opened his eyes, but couldn't bring himself to let go completely of the man he'd just kissed as if his dear life depended on it - which, actually, it kinda had. All of a sudden, his surroundings, especially the ogres' pleased chants, came back to his awareness.

"Colonel? Colonel Sheppard? Do you read?" Lorne's worried voice wavered in his ear.

"Rodney," John whispered, "tap my radio." He didn't want to risk awakening the natives' suspicion by doing it himself and as Rodney already had his hands up there in his hair, it was just logical that he'd better do it.

A second later, McKay did as he was ordered, both of them looking each other deep into the eyes, and John replied his 2IC low, "Major, about time."

"Colonel, a pleasure to hear from you. You're home late for dinner. Do you need us to give you a ride?"

A soft smile played on his lips. Trust Lorne to have a casual answer on hand.

John leaned down to make it look as if he nuzzled the spot between Rodney's shoulder and neck but mainly to hide his talking to the Major. If he did nuzzle a bit in doing so, well, then that was just because it was inevitable. Boy, did Rodney smell good!

"That's the very least, Major. It's lasagna day. We wouldn't want to miss out on that."

"Sure thing, Sir. Where's your stop?"

"Thirty minutes east of the gate by foot on a clearing in the woods. You can't miss us. We're the top attraction around here. Better bring the jumper and a welder. Oh, and try not to be too impolite to our bodacious hosts, would you? They can get kinda grumpy."

"Understood, Sir. Be there in about five minutes." With a last crackle, the line went silent again.

John lifted his head up and cast a glance at his teammates who nodded slightly. Good, they'd followed the conversation on their own comms. Then he looked back at the quiet scientist in his arms who'd lowered his hands to John's waist. In the background, their spectators called for further kisses. The guards emphasized their demand with their wavering sticks.

"They'll be here shortly, buddy, but until then we need to hang on," he breathed while checking his best friend for signs of unease.

Rodney didn't answer but bowed almost imperceptibly and closed his eyes. Sighing, John leaned forward and sealed their lips again. This time, their kiss wasn't dominated by the surge of lust that had shot through them at their last kiss. It was tender and sensual and mind-blowingly intense, their tongues dancing lazily with each other, their hands caressing their backs and shoulders slowly. Sometimes they'd part only to delve right back into each other's mouths.

At that very instant, the world seemed to revolve only around them, but it was wishful thinking that it would last forever.

Another crackle brought his radio back to life. "ETA thirty seconds, Sir."

John was both pissed and relieved about Lorne's status report. He wouldn't want his soldiers to walk in on them kissing and making out. Still, he lingered for a little longer before he finally withdrew. They had one last touch of their foreheads before parting with their monster friends demanding "Mrrr! Mrrr!" and starting to tug on their clothes and then all hell broke loose.

Above them a jumper uncloaked, causing the ogres to make startled grunting noises and back off a little. While the civilians pushed their kids behind them to obviously protect them, the guards recovered quickly from the surprise and drew closer with upraised sticks. They were apparently dumber than they looked if they thought they could take on a puddle jumper.

Lorne chose that moment to fire a drone that exploded between their aviary and the guards. Then there were screams and running monsters everywhere. Even the guards seemed to have gathered at last that they had no chance against such a technology and retreated, though not completely. Their watery eyes observed as the jumper landed and the marines emerged with their guns ready to shoot.

One of the marines, Reed, approached the fence, the others shielding him. "You better back off as far as possible," he advised, put his goggles on and then started cutting through the metal with the welder. In a short time, he was done and they were free again.

"Colonel," Lorne grinned a little tensely, "good to see you all."

"Likewise, Major," Sheppard retorted dryly. "Good timing, by the way. The situation was just about to get really nasty." He scrunched up his face a little at his unlucky choice of words.

"As far as I could see, Sir, those natives were giving you a hard time with all the groping and the prickling. Very noble that you tried to shield Dr. McKay from their advances, Sir," Lorne made his position clear, looking his CO soberly in the eye.

John didn't know what to say. He'd never been as happy as now to have this man as his second in command.

Ronon interrupted the situation as he pointed to the gun of one of the marines and ordered him, "Give me that." His gaze was fixed on his own energy weapon that dangled on a chain around the neck of one of the ogre guards. Someone must have thought it made a nice pendant.

Nevertheless, the marine hesitated. "It's okay. You'll have it back in a minute," the Colonel assured the guy. Turned out he was right. Ronon plus P90 plus his generally threatening behavior made for enough intimidation to get his gun back.

"Great. Now, could we please get going?" Sheppard asked no-one in particular. He wanted to check off this mission as fast as possible. Besides, he was a bit worried about Rodney who just stood there, all quiet, and stared at the floor. Definitely very uncharacteristic.

"John, what about those other people?" Teyla pointed out.

"We'd need more jumpers to save them as well," he interjected and was discontent himself that they couldn't do more.

"Oh, that shouldn't be a problem, Sir. I've ordered two more jumpers when we saw what you got yourself into. They should be here any minute now," Lorne informed them.

John would have kissed the man, but no, probably not. The only one he'd really like to kiss a little more was Rodney. Well, maybe not a little more. Maybe a lot more.

As if they'd just waited for the moment with the biggest dramaturgic effect, the two jumpers appeared out of thin air. Not bad. He couldn't have it timed any better.

At the sight of now three ships, their ugly guards finally got the jitters and stepped on it. John grinned. Yeah, his men had indeed turned the tables.

"Okay, folks, we separate. Lorne, take your team and help the other two jumpers to free those people. We'll go find that Ancient lab in the meantime. Meet at the gate at 1800." That gave them one hour. Hopefully, that'd be enough. He wasn't inclined to spend more time on this damn planet.

"Yes, Sir. Have fun!" With a rakish salute Lorne and his men made their way over to the other enclosures.

"You too! Oh, and Major," John cat-called at Lorne before he and his team disappeared into the jumper, "don't feed, don't grope! Or, well, do feed, but don't grope!"

******

In the end, they really were able to make it in an hour. His marines had managed to free all prisoners and sent them to the Alpha Site where they'd be taken care of medically and gated back to their homeworlds.

Meanwhile, John and his team located the lab and gathered as much information as possible whereat Rodney thawed and returned to be his usual eager self. Turned out that the Ancients had experimented with some kind of growth stimulant to increase their crop yield and therefore be able to feed more people without investing more effort in planting. Stupidly, the substance had somehow escaped the protected surroundings of the labs and the greenhouse and gotten into the groundwater. From there it had contaminated the whole planet, leading to an increased growth of everything that it had come in contact with. The trees, the plants, the humans. So, in the end, those peace-loving hippie people, that Rodney had mentioned were the ancestors of the troll people.

When the Ancients had noticed what they'd done, they'd turned the planet and its inhabitants adrift and left. Now, a couple thousand years later, the process was pretty much irreversible. Sure, they could give the natives meds to keep them from growing further over the next generations, but Rodney determined that the effect of the substance had subsided to nearly nothingness and would wear off completely over the next two or three centuries. Reversing the transformation, however, would most likely involve a sophisticated gene therapy, McKay assumed, and to come up with one that worked and was safe would take their medical staff awhile. Until then, the giants of this world posed a threat to the people of the Pegasus galaxy.

Naturally, Teyla took a stand for the mutants, stating that although they kidnapped people, they didn't kill them and despite that, they appeared rather harmless. She didn't support the idea of forcing them to undergo a genetic therapy because they never knew what could go wrong until it finally happened. John could actually understand her point. Michael and the Hoffans were the best example for that.

At the end of the day, he decided to disable their Stargate so that neither incoming nor outgoing wormholes could establish. That gave them time to discuss the matter thoroughly and maybe develop some kind of therapy, or not, and then act on it.

McKay, of course, groused that he had to do all the work, Sheppard boosted his ego with some well-placed praise and Rodney had it done in no time so that they could finally return home.

******

Wrapping their physicals and the post-mission debriefing up had never before felt that annoyingly long to Sheppard. When his team gathered again in the mess hall at long last, all showered and in fresh clothes, they all dug into their respectable servings of lasagna with gusto and chatted about today's ludicrousness. Although not one word was spoken about the specifics of the trolls' weird demands, Rodney appeared to be a little tense and on edge.

No-one was really surprised to see him leave first. Soon after, the others were ready to call it a night as well. It had been a trying day for them all.

On parting, Ronon clapped Sheppard on the shoulder and muttered, "Don't let him slip through your fingers." Teyla only cast a knowing glance at him before going her way as well.

John flushed then and remembered that his team had seen them practically making out. So far he'd been pretty successful at suppressing the memory of those rather embarrassing circumstances. He feared that he was in for an in-depth talk with Teyla with lots of psychological analyzing soon. Oh God, how he'd love to go back to that blissful ignorance now!

He wandered Atlantis' halls for awhile and contemplated his odds. Finally, he noticed that his subconscious had led him to the East Pier. He usually only went there to spend some quality time with his best buddy. Meh, he could also go there alone and think a little bit about him and what they'd done today. So many new impressions to fuel his fantasies.

When he stepped through the door into the mild night, John stopped dead in his tracks when he saw that he wasn't the only one out here. No other than one particular Canadian astrophysicist stood further ahead near the edge. He looked kinda lonely there, lost in thoughts as he certainly was. With a deep breath, Sheppard continued his way to the front.

"Rodney?" He uttered gingerly whilst approaching him so to not startle the other man.

"Please don't beat me," Rodney blurted out at turning around and held his hands protectively above his head.

John perked his eyebrow up questioningly. Beat him? "Why should I?"

"I nearly jumped your bones today!" Wide-eyed, his ruthlessly candid best friend looked almost fearful.

Still, John didn't know why that should get him to hurt McKay. "So?"

Rodney, completely ignoring his insertion, only went on declaring himself, "I haven't had any intimate encounters in ages, in case it escaped your notice. It was just a physical reaction, you know. Nothing more."

Sheppard stood there calmly and waited for Rodney to catch on. At least, the guy had dropped his hands in the meantime in favor of flourishing them.

When the scientist realized that his team leader still didn't plan to punch him and that he himself was apparently the only one who was currently taking part in their conversation, he fell silent as well. What followed were long seconds of just looking quizzically at each other. John wished there was a wall against which he could slouch.

Finally, Rodney found his speech again. "Huh, I expected a homophobic freakout with you being career military and American and all."

"That a problem that I don't react as you'd thought?" John's eyebrow rose nearly up to his hairline.

McKay fidgeted. "Yes. I mean, no. Or actually, yes, it is! You're straight! You're supposed to at least lose it a little after kissing another guy."

John kept silent. What should he reply to that? That his hard-on this afternoon should have given the man enough prove that he wasn't 100 percent straight? That they didn't really talk about their sexual orientation, at least not until today?

Before he could say any of that, Rodney jumped a little, his finger wagging in the air. "Wait, hang on! You're not telling me here that you're not as straight as you always want to get across!"

Now it was Sheppard's turn to shift slightly from one foot to the other. Had he just hoped that Rodney would catch on? Well, he certainly had now. An eloquent "Um" was the only thing John managed to get across his lips.

Rodney, though, had obviously tasted blood because he just continued mercilessly, "You did seem to be rather turned on earlier."

"Physical reaction?" John provided lamely. Geez, where was his laid-back attitude when he needed it most? He honestly wanted to clear things up between them, but in theory it sounded much simpler than it actually was.

Meanwhile, the scientist sensed that there was more than met the eye. "No, no, that's not the whole story."

"And what if you're right?" John confessed. It was time that he came out of his shell. He didn't want to deny it any longer. If he read the signs correctly, McKay would take the news well.

Rodney stared at him incredulously. He probably hadn't expected him to admit it. "You're gay? Really?"

John's silence seemed to be enough of an answer.

McKay looked honestly scandalized. "I... can't believe it! It took a herd of trolls to make you come out to me?"

"So what?" He couldn't help himself but fall back into defence mode. All those years of having to hide it and to play the perfectly normal and first of all straight soldier had left their marks on him. Plus this wasn't really the reaction he'd anticipated.

But Rodney naturally projected his dismissive attitude onto himself. "Hello? I'm Canadian! Of course, I don't mind you being into guys. I'd shoot myself in the foot if I did. I thought that was obvious."

"Yeah, not so much," Sheppard stated matter-of-factly. Until today, the thought that Rodney could be anything else than completely hetero hadn't crossed his mind, what with the pining for Carter and blond women in general. "You could've told me, too, you know."

"Sure, Colonel," Rodney snorted. "Because it would have been such a good plan to tell my best friend who happens to also be my colleague, team leader and a flyboy of the U.S. Air Force that I am bi."

"You're bi?" John asked out of reflex. He'd just assumed after Rodney's last statement that he was gay, too, but to be honest, this new detail wasn't really surprising. It certainly explained a lot.

"Have I not just said that?" Rodney snapped back, irritable as always. "I am the smartest guy in two galaxies and counting. I'm not stupid enough to restrict myself to only one gender. Especially since I can't really afford to pass up whatever offer I might get. There just aren't enough people in the world, or in any world actually, who value brains more than looks. Anyways, back to you, Colonel."

John sighed. Yay.

"I'm not convinced that this," he indicated Sheppard's groin, "was a plain physical reaction. You touched me. And you nuzzled my neck. You didn't have to do any of that." McKay's razor-sharp wit put together one piece of the puzzle after the other, slowly reaching a conclusion.

John could tell the exact moment that Rodney figured it out.

"You have the hots for me!" Rodney all but squeaked with his eyes almost falling out of their sockets.

Groaning, Sheppard retorted exasperatedly, "It's not like that, McKay."

"No, of course not, Colonel," Rodney agreed. Then he continued calmly, "It's more than that, isn't it? The looks after our kisses, they kinda gave you away. How could I have been so blind to not notice this earlier? I was so afraid that our friendship would be irrevocably damaged after today. It's so obvious now in hindsight."

John didn't know what caused him to retreat back into his shell. Maybe Rodney's calm understanding voice. He didn't want just understanding. And he also didn't want to be 'so obvious'. A bit pissed, he growled, "Now that you've finally solved the big mystery, I think I'll retire."

"No!" Rodney shook his head vehemently, looking worried. "No-one needs to know! I'll be as silent as a grave! You don't have to give up your position here!"

Perplexed, John could only stare at him for a moment. Then he drawled, "To bed, McKay."

"Oh!" Sudden comprehension crossed Rodney's features. "Of course, to bed. Not retire as in retirement. Right." Regaining his composure, he looked determined once again. "Still, no. I won't let you off the hook so easily!"

That provoked another heartfelt groan from Sheppard. "Oh, come on, McKay! Cut me some slack here! You've read me like an open book. Congratulations, Dr. Genius! There's nothing left to say."

"There sure is, you repressed obstinate idiot," McKay countered agitatedly.

And in the next moment, Rodney clutched him and clashed their lips together, prying John's mouth open to sneak his agile tongue inside and all that went through John's head was 'Yes' and 'Rodney' and 'Ksss! Ksss!' and 'Mrrr! Mrrr!' He responded eagerly, moaning and sucking on Rodney's tongue and revelling in his taste that was so uniquely Rodney.

Too soon, Rodney broke away with an audible smacking noise and looked at him expectantly.

Sheppard had to clear his throat before he dead-panned still raspingly, "That wasn't talking."

At that, McKay just rolled his eyes. "No, it was making sure you get the message."

"And that message would be?" Nope, John would definitely not go easy on Rodney.

But Rodney only retorted, "That you're not the only repressed obstinate guy around here."

"Hey! You said idiot before!" Sheppard complained.

"Yeah, whatever." Leaning forward, McKay pressed his lips on John's again.

'Best way to be silenced ever,' was John's last coherent thought as he returned the kiss passionately. His hands slipped under Rodney's shirt and caressed the warm skin of his lower back. It was so soft and smooth. He was overwhelmed to finally be able to touch Rodney like this.

Their kiss grew more and more heated. John groaned in Rodney's mouth when he felt a hand knead his ass through his BDUs and shove his groin closer to Rodney's. He shifted slightly so that their cocks were lined up next to each other. They both gasped at the feeling and began to grind rhythmically. The friction was utterly perfect.

John nibbled along Rodney's jaw and down to his neck while he snuck one hand into his pants and went straight for the bare flesh of Rodney's plump ass. The appreciating noises that it earned him drove him crazy with lust and need. "Oh God, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for this," he panted and then sucked down hard on Rodney's pulse point.

It made Rodney moan with pleasure and shudder against him. This felt so good, so right. But it wasn't enough, not nearly enough. He needed more skin. Sliding his hand on Rodney's back up and to his chest, he finally touched those nipples. They had gotten him hard several times with their peaking up through every damn shirt. He'd been desperate to play with them for months.

Slowly, he pressed his thumb on one bold nipple and rubbed it curiously. Rodney almost screamed and melted against him even more. Oh hell, who knew that Rodney'd be so responsive? It turned John on so much he could have come in his pants right now.

Suddenly, there was a hand making short work of his fly and pushing his BDUs and briefs down just far enough to free his cock. John had to gasp for air as deft fingers stroked his dick, using his pre-come as lube. On each upward stroke, Rodney did some magical twist with his wrist that almost had him sobbing.

"Not gonna last," he rasped and nipped some more on the delicate skin between Rodney's shoulder and neck. Seemed he kinda developed an obsession with that point.

"Don't need to," Rodney replied hoarsely. And then McKay did something that drove him over the edge completely. He licked across John's ear and breathed in the lewdest voice Sheppard had ever heard, "Come for me, John, now!"

To hear Rodney say his given name for the first time together with the man's talented hand on his dick made him come so hard and long he was shaking convulsively. He bit down hard on Rodney's neck to stifle his cry.

"Ow! I'm so gonna have a hickey there," Rodney chided but stroked him through his aftershocks that seemed almost unending. Geez, he hadn't come this intensely in years!

Then John felt that Rodney was still hard against his thigh. "Ready for payback?" he asked a bit out of breath and cupped Rodney's erection through his pants.

Rodney gasped out, "Over ready." His hips urged forward, rubbing and grinding against John's hand almost desperately.

A low chuckle escaped John's mouth as he squeezed Rodney's cock. "Gonna blow you, Rodney. Gonna make you scream." Then he licked over the abused spot on Rodney's neck.

And just like that, Rodney stiffened in his arms and let out a releasing cry. John smiled contentedly when he felt the front of Rodney's pants getting all wet and soggy. "Definitely over ready, McKay," Sheppard smirked.

"Oh, shut up," Rodney growled less bitingly than usually.

Fascinating. It seemed that John had finally found a way to tame the man. Bliss him out with mind-blowing orgasms.

They stood like this for a little longer, sharing a long lazy kiss and relishing each other's warmth and the afterglow. When they were finally able to part and sort their clothes, John couldn't help but ask, "Your place or mine?" His leer was perfected by the suggestive waggle of his eyebrows.

"Good heavens! You really are Mister Cheesy in person, aren't you?" Rodney asked sarcastically.

"That's Colonel Cheesy to you, Rodney," John drawled and added with a big grin, "and you like me like that, admit it!"

"Anyways," McKay went on, ignoring Sheppard's comment deliberately, "your place. Mine is not... presentable."

John snorted, "Right." The eye roll was unintentional. Really. "Let's go then. Those ogres gave me an idea."

McKay looked exactly as Sheppard had anticipated: completely taken aback. "Oh no, I'm not into sticks!"

But John just smiled promisingly and said, "Oh, I'm sure you'll like what I have in mind for you." Gripping Rodney's wrist and dragging him along, he was convinced that he could make McKay beg for groping and feeding when it involved two of Rodney's favorite things: chocolate and John.


End file.
